stress

open house is over. and now is for the next wave.

i have 5 project, 3assigment(just increase by 1), 2comment test, 3exams. and no time. feel so stress now. at home will be stress by my family. in class will be stressed by my friends. so what should i do?!

i know some of your are concerned for me, so please save the scarsum if u are realli caring for me. cos, it realli hurts me alot.

my head is so heavy, i have so many things on my mind.
my eyes are so heavy, i'm holding back my tears so hard.
my legs are so heavy, i realli don wish to walk any more, to any place, to any commitment.
my heart is so heavy, i have so many knife hanging there.

what is the right thing to do? what is the right way to do? i dont know a single thing. my mind telling me that i don care, i don care. but the thinng is, i need to care.. and this time i have a very strong feeling that i will retain this sem. its not that i didnt try to understand. but its just im not fit to be in this course! and the the worst thing is, the modules im most alien to is the core modules. so wad if i get A or B for a module with onli 2 or 3 point.. where the highers i can get for a module with 5point is a D. ya you can say 'change course la! go to a course you like.' will a desgin course accept me? will a desgin course giv me time for my commitment? will my life at home be better or worst if i join a desgin course? i don noe. if i quit school, i won be able to dance, nor act. i will be shooting bird in the jungle for 3years.

im so stressed up. my good friends beside me, who are trying to help me, i feel that i owe them alot. i just kept pissing them off. i can say sorry again and again, but will it help? i don noe.



i keep telling myself.


that building look nice.

but if i have the courage to jump, i should have the courage to go through all these.. so i wont jump. but where do i find the courage? where do i find the answer? where do i find the solutions??


im typing this post in the middle of the class. a 3 hour session which is suppose to be a test. but theacher went to take things. for like 30min. and im at the back.. looking at each friend.. who are worthy to be in this class.. but myself? i don know

THANX YANA!!

WHA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! THANX YANA FOR THE SONG!!! WOOT! THREE CHEERS FOR YANA!!


HIPHIP HURRAY!! X3

nipple song.

open house

2 week of perparation.

3 days of performance.

put up 4 dance.

performed in 5 slots.

20 dancers.

from 1 club

Danzinc

its finally over. the stressful period. and i realli realli did the best i could for openhouse. its been the best performance for me so far in danzinc. lol. the first time i dance so many item in one performance. i danced 3 out of 4 (tat time NEA i also danced 3 la). this time round i dance,





-throb (jazz cheoro)


-sexy back (street jazz cheoro)


-because of you (ooooo... lol. no la. street jazz)





however, dancing alot of items is not the reason why its been the best performance so far. reason being. i pulled through performing for 3 days straight. i pulled through with the quick change. i pulled through with the stress. i pulled through with the steps. i managed to find the coustume. i managed to find the sneakers (which im going to return in 5mins time to julian. I DON WAN RETURN! i wan own a jazz sneaker...). pulled through the mental stress, physical stress and all the stress. all the airing of clothes. all the punctuality(which i realli suck at). but i do believe that i pulled through the whole of open house.



dancing wise i believe i can do alot more better but i had gave my 100-120% to all my performance. what does it means? chruches and training!! make sure club craw wont screw up the same way. on avreage i slip 2.6times per performance. my leg couldnt be straight when i lift it up for because of you (the most disgusting thing). forgot to button my pants for sexyback, lucky got belt. the first time i attempted a turn to a split, i slip slightly and split wrongly. saw the video. i look like shit.



looking forward to clubcraw :D



ANYWAY!! I WAN SUGGEST!! (since i cannot go for B&J outing..) NEXT DANZINC OUTING WE GO EAT PRATA AND HAVE A GOOOOOOOOOOOD PRATAMANIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i will try.

it really hurts me alot to see you suffering so much. i know what you want me to do to lighten your pain. i know how much you want to see me, but i got my commitments. is not that i don love you. but i do love my passion. but to see you in so much pain, i finally broke down again, the second time this week.

im sorry being such a lousy son. but i love to dance. i love to act. i love to perform. i love art.

im sorry mum

tired

grr... im so freaking tired. sick of my life. wtf do u mean. 'please save up $100 to contribute to my new com.' why noe u contribute to my new com???!?? fucking screwed my whole day up-down-left-right-upsidedown.

overslept 2days straight. damaged my handphone 2 days straight.. gosh. im just sooo tired to do anything now.later need go far east.. then go dance practice.. hope my body can handle till sat. mon, tues, wed dance thurs, fri, sat perform... sunday got majiong date with dragon they all.. realli feel like pushing it away but, i will get killed. see first la. all the projects, all the things i missed out, all the preasure from my class mate. hope it will slim me down

I NEED PRATA!!! RENE!!!! WHEN ARE U FREE LA!!!

PHOTOMANIA

since im in school, in GD, nth better to do, its time to spam some photos for my viewer!! (after so long rite!

DULCrene. LOL
rene. LOL X2
DanzInc camp. the 3 guys
THE ONE!!!
me with the flag *we takan card for tieing it up lo.*

the split i have now
*the split i have last time. leg not straight, hip not square*
wee.. so happy.. after so long finally i can use 2 hand now. boo to last time.*this one is last time*

my first outside dance audition. jitterbug. I GOT THROUGH! but didnt continue it.

*juice party at zee's house* the nicS!

nicS with juice

0.0?

i went for vocal training for 45min okay

this was like from youth culture time la. LOL

tats the end.

I WAN EAT PRATA NOW!!! RAWZ!@!@!@!@!@!

im sorry.

its 1+ in the morning and i still cant sleep. doing project is one thing, but i realli cant sleep. something happened today, and i felt very bad to it.


im sorry, my ego is too big.

im sorry, i crossed my line.

im sorry, im in a bad mood.

im sorry, for not giving in my all.

im sorry, for being too self centered

im sorry, if im not good enough.


its not that i don know that im in the wrong, but just that im too stupid. im stupid enough to make mistake when i know it was wrong. i just cant help it. thats why i hate myself. i don wan you to hate me. i don wan your to hate me. but my stupidity is just getting ahead of me.

~~~

sometime i ask myself the meaning of life? why am i doing things im doing.. why am i so stupid to let myself into a bad situation, that i've been through. why don i learn from my mistake..


my good friend tells me "there are some time where you should just say NO."

i agree to him. but am i doing it? no.


come to think about it. my life is screwed. i can go to school, go for class, and end up when having a conversation with my classmate at a birthday party, he can ask me a question like "how's school?". to me, i find it quite alarming. did i disappeared from class for that long? am i that drifted from them?


im tired. but im holding there. cos i believe thats what i want to do, what i hope to do, what i wished to do and what i NEED to do. but today, thoughts came into my mind. is this what you can achieve? is this what you need to do? is this what u CAN do?


suddenly, i felt like dancing out 'storm'. and i tried. but i failed. at the last part i just stood there. i held back my tears as yana and kaye was beside me.


what hurts the most? issit the tears thats coming down from your eyes, or blood dripping down from the wound of your heart.


im totally shattered, and i dont know what to do. and once again, i hate myself.

NEW YEAR WISH!!!

oooo i wish i wish... FOR SO MANY THING!! new year is coming and i got so many many wishes tat i can fill up 2 roll of toilet paper! (i noe im greedy)

-good results

-good effort in studies (to fufill my last wish)

-good modules to study (to make my last wish possible)

-good teachers for my modules (to help my last wish)

-better finacial (who dont wish for this, stop breathing)

-better relationship with my family

-better time managment (realli need this)

-do much much better in StageArts!!

-own a jazz sneaker

-dye my hair to flame orange (not so bright one la..)

-to hold my leg at 135degree

-do better in my turns (much better)

-gain more flexibility

-be able to get into character more in drama

-work on my articulation!!!!!

-more good/pleasant looking (hope this will come true)

-GPA at least 2.7 (if possible 3, which is highly unpossible. acctually 2.5 i super happy liao. but aim higher to be saver.)

-don get PHD (neither 'Poly Halfway Dropout' nor 'Permernant Head Damage')

-SLIM DOWN!!!

-world peace?

-and a GOOD 2008!! MUA HA HA!!

long post.

let me start with the most past past event. StageArts DanzInc Juice PARTY!!! mua ha ha. i took place at zeeeee's house and it was so much fun. im like sell fruits one cos i keep cuting fruits. they say i cut like shit, aa... don like this la.. artistic way of cutting okay... the juice that i make was.. erm.. lets talk about other ppl's juice. haha. lazy to uploas all the photos and find all the photos la. don like to spam photos (since when u see my post like full of photos? other then production post).

moving on.. it was the party at dragon house. to be frank, i enjoied onli till 3am. cos thats the time when dragon got knocked out, and start vomiting everywhere. so from 3 onwards i didnt sleep and took care of him. shortly after dragon's KO, his good friend, also my good friend, bernadette, joined him! she vomited too.. and when i was like trying to get dragon to vomit into the bucket, she like a merlion vomit from behind me, and over my head. lucky didnt hit a single drop on me sia. taking care of 2 drunk people is not easy. especially one is wearing dress (and refuse to change to a shorts when supllied with one) and another guy with onli his boxers on (cos his whole body is covered with his vomit). and whats the best? sleeping on the same bed. not onli to take care of them not to get chocked by their own vomit, also need to take care of them not to do those ERHEM ERHEM stuff..

afterthat, was damn tired with YCS and stuff.. and dance... this week, was damn hiong. dance on wed, thurs, fri, sat, sun(today la). 5days straight. and wats best? i pulled my right inner thigh liao. hope tml will get better. wan to noe why?? i think is cos of my stupidlity for thinking that my body does not need to rest. wed's dance session was at E308, went through our jazz cheoro, and did out jazz basic training.. but before that, i went to work in the morning, immediatelly after tat i went to meet kaye and amin to pracitce our dance for kaye's birthday party, immediatelly went for dance practice. after practice went to dragon's party. next morning went to YCS, then immediatelly went to dance practice. went home, laosai like shit (as posted on last post). fri morning, laosai-ing like laosai. so i skipped YCS. just when i though i got better, i went to chinatown together with Zelia, Amin, Daphne, Jess and we head to this dance studio called Rythem'N'Moves.. but then.. when im out of my house. laosai 3 times. like eat wad shit wad u noe?!?

so, they having free class on fri and sat. then since amin they all going, and i realli realli wan to go see other style of dance and explore this work of art, i went for both days. friday classes were 'vocal training', 'jazz' and 'ballet'. yes yes yes.. i went for a ballet class if u are asking... ya ya ya... i went fo all 3. vocal training I HEARD ZEEE SING!! LOL!! shall stop before she kills me. jazz.. was quite fun. its the same cheoro that jerine taught us. since she was the one who is teaching the class there. lol.. ballet.. WAS HELL! OMG! that guy is crazy! 90-120min of ballet lay!! kao... do PK turns... jete... do a ron on the air some more!!! wha lao.. inner thigh damn pain when i go home lo.... but it was fun la the classes.

so on sat. suppose to meet amin and kaye at yeu tee again at 10am. but i cannot get out of my house cos im laosai-ing at home. so.. was late for treasa's ballet performance by 15min. the performance was nice. see all the little gals dancing.. was so cute.. and the ladies dancing was like. wow... after tat.. went to eat lunch.. then head back to chinatown again for the classes. when i reach there they already finishing break-dancing. so i missed the breakdancing and beat-boxing class. in the end i went for the hip-hop, raggae and salsa.. hip-hop got julian accopany me.. the song they use is BECAUSE OF YOU!! lol.. me and julian (more like me la) is like there.. ooooooo0o0o0o0oooooooo0o0o0o.... shit man... if onli zelia was there. LOL! OOOOOOOO000O0O0O0O0OOOOOOOOOOOOOO0O0O0O0O0O~~~LOL!!!
raggae was fun.. just tat the teacher is realli abit gay... salsa is fun too. haha. the teacher is veri funny. is jason and jerine.

after salsa.. got another impromtu class. like last min the teacher willing to teach. its derrick, the actor tat everytime act as ah long one. at first i see allison is still there, then i also not rushing home. so i stay on... then do his stretching. like hell la.. after the stretching, i turn around and see. allison is gone. so im the onli person whom is not derrick's student (the owner of the studio if im not wrong, not the instrustor teaching). damn wierd. his lesson was damn tough le.. did like alot of across the floor.. like

side battlement kick then run then side split then roll on the floor then center split the roll up.

PK turns. again single-single-single-double

attitude jump (the excersice where i pulled my right iner thigh)

a la seconde chaines (change sides one!!)

chaines to a jump (donno the real term but is like on odd count u chaines, even count u jump)

jumps (alot of jia-pa-lang jump inside la..)

the easiest one i believe*
battlement kicks to the front one.. just kicks. the easiest...


waa~~~ quite long liao la my post.. shall end here(hope my laosai willl also end here. 3days le lay) sorry for not updating for so long. as u can see, im buzy. =D