stress

open house is over. and now is for the next wave.

i have 5 project, 3assigment(just increase by 1), 2comment test, 3exams. and no time. feel so stress now. at home will be stress by my family. in class will be stressed by my friends. so what should i do?!

i know some of your are concerned for me, so please save the scarsum if u are realli caring for me. cos, it realli hurts me alot.

my head is so heavy, i have so many things on my mind.
my eyes are so heavy, i'm holding back my tears so hard.
my legs are so heavy, i realli don wish to walk any more, to any place, to any commitment.
my heart is so heavy, i have so many knife hanging there.

what is the right thing to do? what is the right way to do? i dont know a single thing. my mind telling me that i don care, i don care. but the thinng is, i need to care.. and this time i have a very strong feeling that i will retain this sem. its not that i didnt try to understand. but its just im not fit to be in this course! and the the worst thing is, the modules im most alien to is the core modules. so wad if i get A or B for a module with onli 2 or 3 point.. where the highers i can get for a module with 5point is a D. ya you can say 'change course la! go to a course you like.' will a desgin course accept me? will a desgin course giv me time for my commitment? will my life at home be better or worst if i join a desgin course? i don noe. if i quit school, i won be able to dance, nor act. i will be shooting bird in the jungle for 3years.

im so stressed up. my good friends beside me, who are trying to help me, i feel that i owe them alot. i just kept pissing them off. i can say sorry again and again, but will it help? i don noe.



i keep telling myself.


that building look nice.

but if i have the courage to jump, i should have the courage to go through all these.. so i wont jump. but where do i find the courage? where do i find the answer? where do i find the solutions??


im typing this post in the middle of the class. a 3 hour session which is suppose to be a test. but theacher went to take things. for like 30min. and im at the back.. looking at each friend.. who are worthy to be in this class.. but myself? i don know