my cheoro.

talking about my cheoro, i havent named my cheoro! haha. was thinking thinking thinking... thought of naming it the same as my o'level art piece 'sadness of the storyteller', but dosent realli fit, cos i was thinking more to 'sadness + denied'. so, still need to go crack my brain. aiyo, i noe it dosent realli matter to come out with a name for it la, but just trying to realli 'complete' it. like got a whole picture liao, but lack of the title, sad u noe...

acctually, my choero is about a sad person's mindset. sometimes, when people are sad, they just going around finding help from others. but deep down inside, they forgot to help themselves. ended up, when they are alone, they donno wad to do, donno wad choice to make. they will hide themselves into even deeper sorrow to make them feel better, but the truth is it makes them feel worst. the answer to their problems is infront of them, telling them wad is the right thing to do, but they did not follow it, and make the wrong choice, even when they know wad is right deep down in their heart. so they just make the same mistake again.. and again.. and again.. and each time the mistake repeats, it get worst, and worst, and worst. and in my cheoro, i pictured at the end tat the person is stuck inside his own sorrows, and was suck into it and no longer can get away from it. (depression? mental-disabled? blood vessle burst?)

i really donno wad to choose. i realli donno wad to do.
and now i made a choice, i did it. but was wad i did right?

i donno

im still confused about what i did. and what i want. its like what i want to be is so unreachable. i have living proves to tell me its impossible, but still i hanged on for 6mths. now is the clam period, i wonder when is the next wave coming in.

physically drained, from dance
mentally drained, from school
emotionally drained, from those people behind the wall
how i wish was my fats that got drained away instead. then i can be as thin as zelia(last time)

cant wait for april to come. when i will have one thing less to commite to.

and somehow, im dancing out my life in my choero.

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dance practice today, the attendance was like, bad? onli like got 10 people in the studio, FREAKING COLD LA! so there were
-me
-amin
-lexiang
-carla
-jess
-huifang
-germaine
-treasa
-meixian
-zelia
tats all. like so little la.. do basic warm up, splits(like thank god! cos before practice i was praying to do splits for warm-up. for those who saw my cheoro should know why, cos i not as pro as zee and treasa), crunches, hand excersice, then peter came. then he ask us show cheoro, it goes like this
-lexiang
-carla
-meixian & treasa
-germaine
-me
-huifang and jess
-me and amin
-zee and treasa

after germaine then i snap to my mind, onli got 10 ppl lay, then got 2 pair(not counting me and amin), then all the soloist going dance finish, should faster go, or not later dance finish my one then dance amin one, i will die!!!!! in the end peter's comments on all our choero was not bad, but my one i need to work on it la, like alot more... i bang on my left ankle. onli when i not warm already then i felt the strain... shit man.. thinking of cutting short my cheoro or do sth to it, cos peter's feedback is tat mine is draggy, so need to work on it...

then after seeing cheoro, peter told us tat he sack the sch, and the sch sack him. so tues will be his last training with us. dough he is veri strick to us, but its realli his strickness tat make us grow la.. i donno issit to others but it is to me la... but its also the strickness tat make alot ppl quit.. when i join danzinc, i cant even do a pencil turn, and i tot i will fail the audition la.. is like through this 6mths, i realli think that peter made me grow more than i thought i would before i join(dough im still like shit now).

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AND I DAMN COCK U NOE!?

today at DEP was sitting with yana, then talking about drama, then i tell her i not going this wk la, cos its my sis birthday, then i need work in place of her to let her go celebrate. then i think, my sis birthday near my birthday lay, then i took out the calander, i count. OMG! ITS 13DAYS AWAY! I DIDNT NOTICE! like wtf la! i acctually forgot about my OWN birthday.. guess my no-life life realli turning me to no life, my birthday also didnt occour to me. thinking of how to celebrate... but i rather stay in sch, at blk e with my friends, rather with my family lay..

time to go bk to study and doing the report for ycs. not going to sleep again tonite.

p.s. if any one have a good suggestion to the title for my cheoro, feel free to giv me a helping hand ya =D