NEW YEAR WISH!!!

oooo i wish i wish... FOR SO MANY THING!! new year is coming and i got so many many wishes tat i can fill up 2 roll of toilet paper! (i noe im greedy)

-good results

-good effort in studies (to fufill my last wish)

-good modules to study (to make my last wish possible)

-good teachers for my modules (to help my last wish)

-better finacial (who dont wish for this, stop breathing)

-better relationship with my family

-better time managment (realli need this)

-do much much better in StageArts!!

-own a jazz sneaker

-dye my hair to flame orange (not so bright one la..)

-to hold my leg at 135degree

-do better in my turns (much better)

-gain more flexibility

-be able to get into character more in drama

-work on my articulation!!!!!

-more good/pleasant looking (hope this will come true)

-GPA at least 2.7 (if possible 3, which is highly unpossible. acctually 2.5 i super happy liao. but aim higher to be saver.)

-don get PHD (neither 'Poly Halfway Dropout' nor 'Permernant Head Damage')

-SLIM DOWN!!!

-world peace?

-and a GOOD 2008!! MUA HA HA!!

long post.

let me start with the most past past event. StageArts DanzInc Juice PARTY!!! mua ha ha. i took place at zeeeee's house and it was so much fun. im like sell fruits one cos i keep cuting fruits. they say i cut like shit, aa... don like this la.. artistic way of cutting okay... the juice that i make was.. erm.. lets talk about other ppl's juice. haha. lazy to uploas all the photos and find all the photos la. don like to spam photos (since when u see my post like full of photos? other then production post).

moving on.. it was the party at dragon house. to be frank, i enjoied onli till 3am. cos thats the time when dragon got knocked out, and start vomiting everywhere. so from 3 onwards i didnt sleep and took care of him. shortly after dragon's KO, his good friend, also my good friend, bernadette, joined him! she vomited too.. and when i was like trying to get dragon to vomit into the bucket, she like a merlion vomit from behind me, and over my head. lucky didnt hit a single drop on me sia. taking care of 2 drunk people is not easy. especially one is wearing dress (and refuse to change to a shorts when supllied with one) and another guy with onli his boxers on (cos his whole body is covered with his vomit). and whats the best? sleeping on the same bed. not onli to take care of them not to get chocked by their own vomit, also need to take care of them not to do those ERHEM ERHEM stuff..

afterthat, was damn tired with YCS and stuff.. and dance... this week, was damn hiong. dance on wed, thurs, fri, sat, sun(today la). 5days straight. and wats best? i pulled my right inner thigh liao. hope tml will get better. wan to noe why?? i think is cos of my stupidlity for thinking that my body does not need to rest. wed's dance session was at E308, went through our jazz cheoro, and did out jazz basic training.. but before that, i went to work in the morning, immediatelly after tat i went to meet kaye and amin to pracitce our dance for kaye's birthday party, immediatelly went for dance practice. after practice went to dragon's party. next morning went to YCS, then immediatelly went to dance practice. went home, laosai like shit (as posted on last post). fri morning, laosai-ing like laosai. so i skipped YCS. just when i though i got better, i went to chinatown together with Zelia, Amin, Daphne, Jess and we head to this dance studio called Rythem'N'Moves.. but then.. when im out of my house. laosai 3 times. like eat wad shit wad u noe?!?

so, they having free class on fri and sat. then since amin they all going, and i realli realli wan to go see other style of dance and explore this work of art, i went for both days. friday classes were 'vocal training', 'jazz' and 'ballet'. yes yes yes.. i went for a ballet class if u are asking... ya ya ya... i went fo all 3. vocal training I HEARD ZEEE SING!! LOL!! shall stop before she kills me. jazz.. was quite fun. its the same cheoro that jerine taught us. since she was the one who is teaching the class there. lol.. ballet.. WAS HELL! OMG! that guy is crazy! 90-120min of ballet lay!! kao... do PK turns... jete... do a ron on the air some more!!! wha lao.. inner thigh damn pain when i go home lo.... but it was fun la the classes.

so on sat. suppose to meet amin and kaye at yeu tee again at 10am. but i cannot get out of my house cos im laosai-ing at home. so.. was late for treasa's ballet performance by 15min. the performance was nice. see all the little gals dancing.. was so cute.. and the ladies dancing was like. wow... after tat.. went to eat lunch.. then head back to chinatown again for the classes. when i reach there they already finishing break-dancing. so i missed the breakdancing and beat-boxing class. in the end i went for the hip-hop, raggae and salsa.. hip-hop got julian accopany me.. the song they use is BECAUSE OF YOU!! lol.. me and julian (more like me la) is like there.. ooooooo0o0o0o0oooooooo0o0o0o.... shit man... if onli zelia was there. LOL! OOOOOOOO000O0O0O0O0OOOOOOOOOOOOOO0O0O0O0O0O~~~LOL!!!
raggae was fun.. just tat the teacher is realli abit gay... salsa is fun too. haha. the teacher is veri funny. is jason and jerine.

after salsa.. got another impromtu class. like last min the teacher willing to teach. its derrick, the actor tat everytime act as ah long one. at first i see allison is still there, then i also not rushing home. so i stay on... then do his stretching. like hell la.. after the stretching, i turn around and see. allison is gone. so im the onli person whom is not derrick's student (the owner of the studio if im not wrong, not the instrustor teaching). damn wierd. his lesson was damn tough le.. did like alot of across the floor.. like

side battlement kick then run then side split then roll on the floor then center split the roll up.

PK turns. again single-single-single-double

attitude jump (the excersice where i pulled my right iner thigh)

a la seconde chaines (change sides one!!)

chaines to a jump (donno the real term but is like on odd count u chaines, even count u jump)

jumps (alot of jia-pa-lang jump inside la..)

the easiest one i believe*
battlement kicks to the front one.. just kicks. the easiest...


waa~~~ quite long liao la my post.. shall end here(hope my laosai willl also end here. 3days le lay) sorry for not updating for so long. as u can see, im buzy. =D

short post

no time to post much. just that i fucking spent $17.55 on cab today, like shit la.. and im loasai ing now. donno tml can go out or not. shit la~~ will update soon

i hate myself

IAD sent me warning letter. saying that i've skipped FIVE lect... the worst thing is, my mum is asking me to quit SA again. she said i promised her that if another warning letter come, i will need to quit both dance and drama immediatally. is like, i didnt skip la! why the hell should i quit?!?

went to eat lucnh with my mum and sis. then they were nagging about me again.

seriously, i don think im asking alot of money from your. i know that our family is not veri rich, so im also trying to work for ur. if im still asking too much money from your, i will ask for less, i will want for less. but i want my passion, so please don take it away from me.. your tell me 'play also play shiok already la'. but im not playing, im serious in what im doing.
tears just cant stop coming out of my eyes. i know my mum is veri tired with all the problems in the family. i want to help as well.. but i realli cant giv up my passion. what should i do? what CAN I do? i hate myself.
i hate myself.

i realli hate myself.

stupid

seriously, my life is intresting. some time too intresting.

as i was walking on the road, got this car zoom pass the zebra crossing. i was like, WTH, almost hit me.. then suddenly ' H E R O E S ' come into my mind.. as i was walking home from that zebra crossing, i was thinking.. if tat happened to one of the hero.. who can make what she say comes true~~~


zooooom~~~


'HEY! DAMMIT! curse u go bang wall...'


eeeeeeeeeeeeeee````

**BOOM**


'.. OMG! this... this cant be true...'


*car go back to orginal form and get back on track*


i cant stop laughing at myself. how stupid can i get. i almost died and i think about things like this.. erm.. the car is not that close la.. but if i didnt stop to see the car i will be dead la...

when can i not do stupid stuff...
i too away my nick MR RUBBERBAND. i feel that im not up to that name. from today on, i will train hard. and onli when im up to that name, i will put it back again. wait for me people. MR RUBBERBAND will be back =D

i feel like changing course. like. seriously

L A O S A I I N G A R R ~ ~ ~

my stomach is sooooo pain.... partly because of crunches, mostly cos of my laosai... damn man, through out the dance practice today my stomach pain like shit la.. like realli shit. reach home first thing i do is?? LAO SAI ARR!!! butt damn pain lo... after tat let toilet vantilate awhile, then go bath, then looking for dinner.. shit, nth. onli got jack n jii potato chip..

I LAO SAI ARR! HOW TO EAT!!

leg jelly, stomach pain, butt killing...

i hate it man... think is the KFC tat i ate. cos tats the onli thing i ate before dance ( other then the lunch i had at home). damn the chicken

fat gay dancer

as i was youtubing for some dance video, i came pass this video. i noe i dance abit soft, and im fat. this video make me determind to dance more strongly, and cut down my weight. (but this guy he dance not bad wow tell u first)



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B7wov5Ro9Vo&feature=related

Win - Brian McKnight

lovely song im listening to right now.

and telling myself to reflect to it..

Dark is the night, I can weather the storm.

Never say die, I've been down this road before.

I'll never quit, I'll never lay down.

See, I've promised myself that I'd never let me down, so,

I'll never give up, never give in.

Never let a ray of doubt slip in.A

nd if I fall, I'll never faint,

I'll just get up and try again.

Never lose hope, never lose faith,

There's much too much at stake,

Upon myself I must depend.

I'm not looking for plays to show,

I'm gonna win.

No stopping now, there's still a ways to go.

Ohh, someway, somehow.

Whatever it takes, I know,

I'll never quit, no, no.I'll never go down.

I'll make sure they remember my name.

A hundred years from now.

I'll never give up, never give in.

Never let a ray of doubt slip in.

And if I fall, I'll never faint,

I'll just get up and try again.

Never lose hope, never lose faith,

There's much too much at stake,

Upon myself I must depend.

I'm not looking for plays to show, I'm gonna win.

When it's all said and done,

My once in a lifetime won back again.

Now is the time, to take a stand.

Here is my chance, that's why,

I'll never give up, never give in.

Never let a ray of doubt slip in.

And if I fall, I'll never faint,

I'll just get up and try again.

Never lose hope, never lose faith,

There's much too much at stake,

Upon myself I must depend.I'm not looking for plays to show, I'm gonna win.

I'm gonna win.

?

if u say that you dont realli understand what i posted at my last post, i will have to say, i don blame u. i was typing with my half awake brainand i found out alot of the thing i type is... erm.. how to say? not relli understandable?

add on-

do you know, i used one whole roll of toilet paper for my nose in one nite?(save money la, don waste tissue)!? like scary u noe...



recently, alot of things geting through my head. what is my goal in life. is it reachable. is it true. should i reach for what i want? even if it upset someone. i want someone in my life, to brighten up my life. but im scared, scared from the failure i've been through. it was a long wait that time, but guess it didnt paid off.
is two and half year long?
nick.... are u sure u got over her?

alumni nite

alumni nite is finally over, so now i can announce to all, and also to myself..

IM SICK!!

i noe i don look like, but i had flu, slight cough, slight fever, headache.. luckily, my body condition onli get veri veri bad at nite. think cos of all the late nites, and lack of water (realli tried to drink alot, but i will say its not enough. have u got the feeling of not having enough time to drink water in sch?)

these pass few days had been, super hetic to me. my first big thankyou will go to,

meixian - thanx for being so understanding to my dance-drama issue. it really lighten alot of my stress.

of course..

YANA! - my drama mate plus class mate.. always there for me.
kaye - u and yana are always there for me when i need help. thanx alot.

your 2 are realli wonderful.


so... i experience from being a hip-hop-er, gay, china sissy, victim for a vampire, high school kids, cool guy, in one performance. and this is the first time i ook my laugage for my camp to put my coustume. like damn lot? my head is like having thunderstorm already la.. so i will finish my post asap.


hosting wise, got alot of cock up. but then, we managed to pull through. especiall the hasli speach part. it was so hetic, we onli like have 1-2 min to think out of ways to clean the shit. sorry for those who were concern about us but i shu away ur, cos it was realli hetic for us. sorry for my rude-ness.

dance.. i would say i did fine, and i realli did enjoied myself while dancing.... senior act.. i hope i didnt pull them down.. se-senior act, i hope i have been helpful and useful for amin and kaye.

and then the handing down part. WOOW! ANJANA AND SHYDIA!!!! yes!!! i was dreaming and hoping for them to be it la!! head and vice head for drama. my dreams and hope did com true.. i hoped farhana to be president ( come on la she year 2 asst for dept already.. ), then rabia and sara to be in SA commite (such wonderful ppl), then anjana and shydia ( don care who head or asst la, just be can already, they will work well =D) and in the end. IT CAME TRUE!!

but at the same time, its sad to say goodbye to hasli they all. i realli thank hasli and fazz alot. they helped me through so much through people production and dramanite.. and shankee taught mehow to be a man!


my knee hurts, alot. i donno why.

i shall go rest. my head kills. my body feels weak....

a normal post

* i promise this entry will be a normal one *

omg, im like so tired la... didnt sleep the whole nite to study for GD. or should say attempted to study GD. did studied la, but some time is watching the movie 'freedom writers'. damn kaye, curse kaye, for sending me that nice movie.

i wont say that i cried for that movie, but some parts im realli realli touched. as in realli realli touched. realli.. realli...

so. i still managed to register some graphic desgin into my brain anyway so.. * tap on my shoulder * good job nicky

lets think back a little.. tues dance practice. was... a little brain dead for me. im doing alot of stupid thing. i did cart-wheel(issit spelt this way) and fall on my butt donno how many times.. seriously nick, do more crunchers and hold ur weight.

the one who do pencil turn and fall is who? NICK!

the one who do pirouette and fall is who? NICK!

the one who walk and fall is who? NICK! (spraine my pig leg 22hr before performance somemore)

then one who do pas de bourree and fall? NICK!

" " " did cart-wheel and fall? NICK!


HEY EVERYONE! WAN NOE STH STUPID I DID?!?! zee ask us to sing the song while dancing because of ur rite.. after singing for like one whole week, then i realise i have been singing to the wrong lyric. like totally wrong la... like super wrong la... but anyway, i did sing la. just didnt sing correctly. but still. cockanathan i must say


now adays i damn damn damn super ultra broke la... shit man.... anyone wan donate money to me???

lunch

its just a normal lunch.
duration, 30min.
venue, my house.
date, 11 dec.

the moment my mum step into the house with our lunch, she went to cook something esle for us, and bath at the same time. i donno why. they complained that they havent being seeing me much. and today, i showed them my face. my sis woke up onli after my mum got home and she was like


' WHA! nick is at home.'

'no la, just hardly see his face'
okay... i didnt noe u wanted to see it. seriously. tats wad i wan to shoot back. but cannot. i noe they care about me. but from wad they say? i donno..

then cos im so hungry, i open my rice and eat 2 spoon of rice first.


'mum cooking something wad? ask u not ot eat first already rite?? tell u already still keep eating and eating and eating'.
im fucking hungry la. please, im not like some people tat wake up at 12 or 1. i need breakfast.. and my bread spoil liao lo. don wan waste money eating magi mee also. save it for time like after dance go home, dinner turn smelly cos of gravey, then eat.

i look to my right, i saw my elder sis rice, its 1/3 eaten aready. i look at mine.. nvm, don start a war again.

mum bath finish, come to living room, knock over my drink..


'who put the drink here one??'

'just speaking for justic lo, drink finish drink put back la(havent drink much yet, put where?).'


while eating, tension all over.

after eating,went bk to my room.


they saying that hardly see my face. giv me reasons why i should show them my face. the few reason i can think of is onli

-tats my home, i need to stay there.
-make them happy

what about me? i go there make them happy by letting them scold? they just keep shooting at me. keep shooting. i can shoot back, but tats means i will start a war with my mum, again. i don want tat to happen. but yet i don wan to stay in this situation. this issit the rite time to talk to them.


come on. please. its just 30min. and it have so many tension, so many shooting. so many things going on. 30 min... not say 30days. 30min.. issit because of me? or them. i donno. i hope to noe oo.cos if its because of me, i will change. but deft not by quiting SA. so u, shut up.

nicholas, you need to be more disciplined.
nicholas, you need to be more responsible.
nicholas, you need to grow up.
nicholas, you need to be a man.
nicholas, you need to do the right thing.
nicholas, you need to show you are what you are.

i seriously need a mroe disciplined life. i seriously need time management. i seriously need finance management. i seriously need to be more harsh. i seriously need to face the reality of this world.

nicholas,
wake up your idea.
open your eyes and look carefully..
straine your ears and listen carefully..
and know whats happening beside you..



i hate myself.
why am i not as talented as you, did i work not hard enough? did i not improve enough?
i hate you.
why am i always behind you?!? be it acting, dancing, art or studies. im always behind you. WHY!?
i hate reality.
why must i see the real side my best friend. it suck!! why is ur character like this?!?

i hate it.
i hate. i hate. i hate. i hate the things going on. why are u crashing me like shit but i still need to smile to it to secure this friendship. WHY?!?!
i hate tears.
im sick of crying. i want to cry no more. i cried enoguh for my family, my problems. i cried too much. too much.




get me out of this. get me out of this life. let me start a new life. a new nicholas. a better nicholas. im just not good enough.

im not good enough as a dancer. im not good enough as a singer. im not good enough as an actor. im not good enoguh as a performer. im not good enough as a student.im not good enough as a friend. im not good enough as a brother. im not good enough as a child.. im good for nothing..

its hard...
its really hard to fake a smile to hide my tears. its really hard to act as nothing happen where it hurt so much in my heart.

but i really treasure..
i really treasure you as a friend. really..

but i have so much problem. who can i turn to? who can i realli trust.. how to make a right choice? which i wont regret. why? why is decsion so hard. why issnt my brain processing? im just too stupid.


nick. pull up your socks.

need your help

please help to play the game in this website. post some good coment or vote is possible. its some games that my sis created. if possible support her k?

http://www.games.icreations.sg/ -> her webbie
http://www.kongregate.com/search?q=icreations
http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/search/author/zijian60 -> some game webbie where she posted her game

thanx

IM SO HAPPY!!

haha. as i posted eariler, i went out on mon to celebrate with mc and peeps, was damn happy. then on 0125 5th dec, my sis came into my room with a small ice cream cake WOOT!! NICE SIA AHAH!

starting of my day wasnt realli good. forgot to bring money and left myself with $2.50. shit man. and forgot to bring my handphone. no materials for my op[en bk test (in the end i score 0 ). bu was happy la. haha. thanx to all who wished my happy birthday. thank you veri much.

yesterday dance practice. WHA HA HA HA!! they celebrated my bd by everyone feeding me frice.. erm... and lexiang.. lol.thanx so much dancers!!

feeling so sick and tired lately. thank god holiday is here. onli need do project, SA. no class. at least one less stress for 2 wk. just work out something for GD comment test.

will come bk later for a longer post. now in lesson.need listen. HOHO

it was so fun~~~

OMG!!! LIKE W-O-W!~!~!~!(learn from josh)

gosh yesterday was so fun. went to eat dinner yesterday with my friends to celebrate my bd(i noe it sound pathetic. OH I WENT DINNER TO CELEBRATE MY BD!. but tats it la..)

was quite shocked with the amount of people who turned up, thanks to mcmillan, draon, val, shuxian, claudia, phyllis, jackson, faith, her bf, leon, ben, luoer. went to eat at chom chom and it was F***ING NICE!!! GOD!! HEAVEN!! PARADISE!!!! it was realli nice la. spent alot of money but its worth it. my table(me dragon mc val), we ate alot la.. haha.. porridge, stingray(bang he), 'or jian'(or 'or nua' as said by mc and val, egg cook with oystel), lala, 60satay(for 2 table la. haha.), carrot cake and SUGAR CANE DRINK ( 3DOLLAR FOR FREAKING BIG CUP MAN).

spent roughtly 10dollar plus each. but its worth it man. plus taxi and some money that went missing.. i spent 25. LOL. donno go to which part of my stomach. but its all worth it. damn nice. got a few slip of vodka from dragon... play cs again... then go home.. sleep. so tired. haha

i need prata.

spent money again.

OMG! LIKE TOTALLY?! (learn from josh. lumsaco.)



went to play lan with dragon and mcmillan today. and guess how much i spent on lan? $9.30!! first time in my whole entire life i spent so much in lan, cos im not a lan person(don play lan, and not guai lan. LMAO). play almost 5hours fo CS!!! OMG LA!!! haha. i suck at cs, don realli play, and onli play a few times onli. the reason i go (even dough im sick) is beacause, realli stressed about my life, and i noe going out with them realli take away all my stress. they are realli friends whom i can truned to.



and mc! thanx for getting me out of all the shity situation i have been through all these time. i am realli lucky to have u as my friend.



another reason why i went with them is also... guilty la... realli want to go out with them for even just one day. ever since i joined stagearts, i never realli went out with my friends. this, i should say is the first - third time in half a year, cant realli remember the exect amount.. and they came to my production. suppose to go home together and chit-chat on the bus, the pathetic amount of time for us to clique together, i wasnt able to do so... they wanted to have lunch with me after my lunchtime performance, and waited for me for about 3-4 hours, but i wasnt able to meet them, didnt even get to say goodbye to them, or thank them for coming...



SO!!! back to topic.. today was fun. laughed like shit, play like shit, eat like shit, shit like shit. and mc became p**n*n*. MUA HA HA HA! play CS until we headache. pros of the pros. also played many rounds of magic. hate MC's deck. HATE IT!! HATE THE GIANT DECK!! EVEN MORE HATE THE UNDERWARE DECK!! but it was fun. reali reali. after playing cs a while at the lan shop, daryl the real giant appeared. i noe im veri mean, but the first reaction i got is, 'wow he grew fatter, and he dyed his hair... and fatter..' and i tell myself, must slim down more. MUA HA HA HA. evil i noe..



tml going out with mc and cliques again.. the Ultimate Laughing Group. behold my next post. hope to get some photos for the next post. cos its going to be fun tml.