nicholas, you need to be more disciplined.
nicholas, you need to be more responsible.
nicholas, you need to grow up.
nicholas, you need to be a man.
nicholas, you need to do the right thing.
nicholas, you need to show you are what you are.

i seriously need a mroe disciplined life. i seriously need time management. i seriously need finance management. i seriously need to be more harsh. i seriously need to face the reality of this world.

nicholas,
wake up your idea.
open your eyes and look carefully..
straine your ears and listen carefully..
and know whats happening beside you..



i hate myself.
why am i not as talented as you, did i work not hard enough? did i not improve enough?
i hate you.
why am i always behind you?!? be it acting, dancing, art or studies. im always behind you. WHY!?
i hate reality.
why must i see the real side my best friend. it suck!! why is ur character like this?!?

i hate it.
i hate. i hate. i hate. i hate the things going on. why are u crashing me like shit but i still need to smile to it to secure this friendship. WHY?!?!
i hate tears.
im sick of crying. i want to cry no more. i cried enoguh for my family, my problems. i cried too much. too much.




get me out of this. get me out of this life. let me start a new life. a new nicholas. a better nicholas. im just not good enough.

im not good enough as a dancer. im not good enough as a singer. im not good enough as an actor. im not good enoguh as a performer. im not good enough as a student.im not good enough as a friend. im not good enough as a brother. im not good enough as a child.. im good for nothing..

its hard...
its really hard to fake a smile to hide my tears. its really hard to act as nothing happen where it hurt so much in my heart.

but i really treasure..
i really treasure you as a friend. really..

but i have so much problem. who can i turn to? who can i realli trust.. how to make a right choice? which i wont regret. why? why is decsion so hard. why issnt my brain processing? im just too stupid.


nick. pull up your socks.